Disclaimer: I am NOT a medical professional. My frank discussion of my personal journey should not be construed as medical advice. If you are struggling with depression, anxiety, or any other medical concern, there is no substitute for qualified professional guidance.
My inspiration for blogging has been low lately. I generate a list of topic ideas, and lose interest. Instead, I’m obsessing about things that are part of my daily life, but don’t fit the theme of my blog. They don’t support the lighthearted point of view I wanted to portray in this project. If I am to be authentic, I need to move beyond this “portrayal” of the public Amy Cherie Copeland, and get real.
I’m talking about my dark side, the struggles I experience with anxiety and depression. The fact is, mental illness is keeping me from reaching my potential in life and in the job market. Sometimes it feels like the drawing above, in which I’m drowning in a sea of my own tears while a storm rages all around me. Other times, it feels as if I’m slowly coming apart in a very visible way, like the zebra in my doodle below.
I’m not sure how much I want to share publicly about the details of my life which are making me feel so low. The thing about depression and anxiety is they aren’t necessarily “justified” by the outside events of a person’s life. I might tell you what’s getting to me, and you might say, “Why don’t you just put on your big girl panties and deal with it?”
But it’s not that simple because sometimes the demons have a life of their own. It’s the old “nature vs. nurture” argument. I was born with a sensitivity that made me susceptible to these patterns. Then I had relationships and experiences to reinforce them. Now there are new patterns and triggers in my life bringing me back to a dark place.
So far, I’ve only hinted at mental health issues in my previous blogs. In taking it head on, my fear is that I’ll be thought a melodramatic “look at me” kind of blogger. Reality TV in general makes me want to puke, although I will confess a weakness for The Voice.
Still, I feel compelled to share parts of my inner drama, but to what end? By articulating my challenges, I not only hope to gain clarity on my own condition, but also to offer others my take on a pervasive human experience. I hope to reach others who need to know they are not alone, as well as to gain new insights from my readers.
- New Tiles & Tangles